Tag Archives: precious moments

My Journey Back

Proverbs 1- Wisdom calls aloud in the street, she raises her voice in the public square, at the head of the noisy street she cries out. How long will you simple ones love your simple ways?

I’ve been drowning in a bittersweet pool of daily chores, school work, teaching, mothering, wifing and all around trying to be a put together human being. I’ve been so busy keeping all of my blessings in check that I have forgotten to remember who gave them to me in the first place. I have forgotten to give credit where credit is due. I’ve blamed my lack of sleep on the children, who for the most part sleep through the night, sometimes in our bed but they still get a solid nights sleep these days. I blame my lack of quiet time in the Bible and a real relationship with God on everything from my checklist when really my checklist is, well let’s face it….. Crap!

I believe that being in the Bible daily and having a moment (and sometimes that’s really all it will end up being, just one moment) with God will change the course of my day. I believe this because I’ve lived it. Before I let this world get ahold of me, before my list of priorities became somewhat skewed, I’ve felt that change, that strength, that patience, that love, all those things that can only come from a growing relationship with God course through me when I needed it most. (Usually around 2:00 everyday) But for the last several months I’ve been more irritable, I’ve been biting my tongue a lot more when my son isn’t figuring something out as quickly as I think he should throughout our school day. When in all reality I want to be able to possess the grace and the compassion and the patience that I try to instill in my children everyday. How can I do that when I am lacking those qualities myself?

I’ve known I’ve needed a change and I’ve known how to fix it for awhile now but still my priorities weren’t quite cutting it. I wasn’t making the changes that I needed to. I just kept my worries and yearning for something more bottled up inside of me. Do you believe that God puts people in your life at just the right time? I definitely do. I’m sure it’s happened a lot more than I’ve actually noticed but this time around I definitely did. I’m 31 and I have a new friend. A person who I’ve gotten close to just within the last few months and we have both realized how much alike we actually are… but I think she is much lovelier. She is so kind and considerate and thoughtful. Well a few nights ago she invited me on a trip with her to Hy-vee to pick up some groceries she’d ordered online. Haha she admits that it was kind of an odd invite but I said “sure, I needed to pick up coffee.” So away we went, on a Friday night I believe. What else are two moms to do on a weekend? Anyways, she got to talking and then I got to talking and I finally worked up the nerve to ask her what kind of devotion or study she uses to motivate herself to get up at 6 am every morning and spend time with God. I wanted that so much but honestly I’ve never been all that open when it comes to sharing my spiritual needs with someone else. Well, she made some suggestions and by the end of that trip to Hy-vee I had a new skip in my step. I felt lighter within my soul. I’m not sure how to explain it but I knew that confiding in someone else who has this beautiful heart for God and letting them in, helped me. I knew that I would wake up the next morning (I’m still working on getting up at 6am) at least a little earlier than usual and open my Bible, open my notebook and just spend a little time with God.

And I did.

Starting in Proverbs, with a chapter a day. So far I haven’t had to search very hard to feel lead to write down parts of the chapter that moved me. That have inspired me. (There have been so many.) I felt like the first chapter of Proverbs was fitting to get me started on my journey back to God. To building on a relationship that I’ve let slip through my finger tips. I’ve found that searching for wisdom and guidance and love is only possible through his word, it’s only possible when there is a relationship there. An ever growing relationship that is so much more important than my timeline, my comfort, and my sleep schedule.

 

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“Parenting is hard!” – Well what did you expect?

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The last few days, it seems like everywhere I turn I read something or I hear someone complain about how hard parenting is. (And I’m not talking about a humorous post about all the shenanigans throughout parenting or a passing “this child is crazy” phrase that we all think and sometimes say) Mega parent complainers who are tired, they are worn out, they need some “me” time. They are actually rude and almost unforgiving toward their own child. I kinda want to say and in most recent instances have had to bite my tongue…

“Well what did you expect?”

What in the world are we expecting parenthood to be. If we do it right and actually want what is best for our children then yes it’s going to kick our butts from time to time. The gray hairs are gonna come, the tired eyes, the frown lines, the headaches, the heartbreak, the tears, worry, fear, exhaustion and doubt… etc etc etc etc…

It seems to me that most parents think they are getting into some sort of ‘walk in the park’ adventure. They think having a baby is going to be like those toys that came out in the 90’s, you know the ones… Nano Pets or the Tamagotchis. Those things were the bee’s knees for like a week when I was ten.

I feel like as parents we focus a lot on the negative, on “woe is me” scenarios and we keep reminding everyone how hard parenting is when what we should be reminding everyone and ourselves is although it is very hard it also ends way too soon. We should look at each day as a gift because that is what it is. No matter what you believe in, I don’t think many people could argue with that. I hear stories and know people who have lost their little ones to illness or tragedy. One day they are here and the next day they aren’t and if we can’t see how precious these days are that we have together then we are gonna miss them more when they are gone. And they will be, one day. Kids will grow up, parents will get older and these everyday moments that seem so annoying right now will be a faded memory. A snapshot tucked away in the family photo album.

I sure hope that when I look back one day that I’m not sad because I didn’t choose happiness and joy amidst all the chaos that is raising children. Instead of venting every chance I get (don’t get me wrong, I’m not unfamiliar with a good vent session and I’m not saying that sometimes they aren’t needed) I should remember that there will come a time when my child will no longer do the things that I find a little tiring in the season that we are in.

One day they will no longer…

Ask to be held for the thousandth time that day, and usually as soon as I have a fresh cup of coffee in my hand.

Crawl into bed with us in the middle of the night…. crushing many sensitive body parts in their path.

Beg us to lay down with them every night by wrapping their arms around our necks so tight we don’t know whether to start fighting for a breath or just give in and lay down.

Ask us to read “just one more book”

Try to eat the food we have because it looks better. “Me share with you mommy?”

Have potty accidents and seek us for help and comfort…. and the dreaded clean up.

There are so many more and I could really go on and on but those are some of the things that happen on a daily basis and sometimes I wanna pull my hair out. I’m only human! But then I remember(at least most of the time) that one day they will be all grown up and I will ache to hold them, console them, cuddle with them, take care of them, clean up after them. I will miss stealing one last peek of them in their beds at night.

These moments should be embraced with compassion, not complained about to the point of becoming cruel to our children(whether to their face or not) and continually casting them as the subject of all our complaints.

We were once children ourselves after all!!

So here’s to embracing rather than complaining.

At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
-Matthew 18:1-3

“Adults are just outdated children.” 
  — Dr. Seuss 

“Children need models rather than critics.” 
  — Joseph Joubert, French moralist

The Forgotten Lullaby

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 I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness – it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude. Brene Brown

Sometimes I get sick of all the articles and posts from mothers (and fathers) reminding other mothers (and fathers) about how fast time goes with their little ones. About not forgetting to embrace as many moments as you can. I’m the culprit of some of these posts myself so my finger pointing is aimed right at the mirror. A couple weeks ago I saw another one and honestly I can’t remember where it was but I thought, Whelp here is another one to pull at my guilt strings and remind me of all the times I’ve failed. The question crossed my mind: Why must we be reminded all the time of how fast these precious moments drift away?

It wasn’t until I was rocking my almost 4 month old did the answer come. It struck me hard, I couldn’t remember singing him a lullaby. Yes, I’ve rocked him and cuddled him but since the day he was born I’m almost positive that he hadn’t yet heard a lullaby from his momma. My heart broke a little bit. How had I missed such a special and important part of having a newborn? My other two got lots of lullabies, my first born probably more than my second but it definitely wasn’t something either of them lacked as babies. Now my 3rd little one had none and I felt like a loser. I began to sing to him and then hum and then sing again and almost every night since I haven’t missed a beat. But it brought up the question again but this time with an answer. Why must we be reminded all the time of how fast these precious moments drift away? The answer was simple.

Because we forget.

Whether we forget because we get too busy with our day to day lives, with school and sports and work or on-the-go plans that just keeping piling up. These reasons make the special moments that could be had slip from our minds. We forget to cuddle or play or talk or sing a lullaby to our children. And hopefully by the time we remember it’s not too late. In my case I was too busy to remember. My other children would wake up or need something while rocking my littlest and the lullabies just slipped my mind. On the nights that my other two happened to not need me I can’t be exactly sure what filled my mind instead of singing my baby to sleep. Maybe worrying or planning for the next day or sadly catching up on a show that I had been neglecting. It’s the truth but not one I really want to admit to.

When all is said and done we are not perfect, we can’t be but we can learn from listening or reading about other parents’ experiences in the forgotten. Experiences that they feel led to share so that others will remember just how fast these times actually go and how blessed we truly are to have these little people in our lives. As I finish this I realize that this is one such story and that while you may be thinking: Oh jeez not another one, like I have said not so long ago, maybe it will tug on someone’s conscience and remind them to give another hug, read another book or sing another lullaby.